


Behind the Scenes

by Kexing



Category: Hikaru no Go
Genre: Frottage, M/M, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-05
Updated: 2014-08-05
Packaged: 2018-02-11 22:25:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2085459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kexing/pseuds/Kexing
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A piece from Shindou's POV in <i>Provocation Beyond Reasonable Doubt</i></p>
<p> <i>His heart is pounding as they walk down the hall together and his mouth is dry, because there is no one in the world who can make him want things like Touya can, in this all-encompassing way that drowns everything else out.</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	Behind the Scenes

**Author's Note:**

> As always thank you to [Kay](http://archiveofourown.org/users/meguri_aite/pseuds/meguri_aite) for being the most awesome beta, but you are totally to blame for this one!

Hikaru hates Ko Yeong-ha. _Hates him._ This is why he should never listen to Su Yeong. _Oh, he is not that bad Shindou. He really is nice Shindou._ Nice! When his most prominent purpose obviously is to make Hikaru’s life miserable! Things have been going so well lately too. Before the mere presence of Ko could make him so angry that his hands shook. He couldn’t forget that insult to Sai and Sai’s go and couldn’t forget his own inability to prove Ko wrong. Every time he saw that face it was a reminder of his own failure and it was always made worse by how much it seemed to amuse Ko. But over the years Hikaru have become stronger and Ko does not automatically awake that anger anymore. Hikaru now knows that even if his go may never reach that pure distilled beauty Sai was capable of, it is strong enough to protect Sai’s memory and to connect Sai to the future of go. That strength will only grow and Ko can do nothing to prevent that and the realization has steadied Hikaru more than anything else could. He has go, he has a rival, they will never stop climbing and that is enough.

So everything has been great until Ko showed up and started to slime all over Touya like Ogata-sensei around one of his dates. And Hikaru’s brain shorted out. It is difficult to describe the absolute outrage he felt when Ko just leaned into Touya, who obviously is an idiot and has no idea what goes on in his surroundings and… and. Ugh! Maybe he should have thought about it, but he didn’t. Hikaru generally doesn’t think about the things he does. He usually just realizes what he wants and then acts on it. Why do you need to have a lot of reasons for everything you do?? And ok, maybe deep down he has been aware that this thing between him and Touya might not be entirely usual. He has had hints. Not long ago Waya made some comment about how his and Touya’s rivalry got started because Waya is totally nosy. And Waya was trying to get the timeline straight and said something like,

“But you had to have played go before Touya? Why the hell else would you care if you beat him back then?”

And something had stirred guiltily in him. No one ever really questioned his preoccupation with Touya, because half the kids of his age in the go world have at one time or another had a preoccupation with Touya. He was the one to beat in their generation after all, a genius child so good that he was even forbidden to play in ordinary tournaments and who outplayed Insei without even trying. So children learned to play go and then they saw the games Touya played or heard about him and used him as a measuring stick for themselves.

But for Hikaru it never really worked that way. Because when he sat down for that second game he knew nothing about go. He knew Sai loved it so much that Hikaru got sick if Sai couldn’t play. He knew kids even younger than himself really seemed to take it seriously, bringing an intensity to the game he never really encountered before. But that was it. It wasn’t that he realized how good Touya was that made Hikaru start chasing him, he wouldn’t have any idea about that until much later. It was just Touya, sitting there opposite from him, who _looked_ at him. He was suddenly the focus of all that absolute attention _._ He still feels it today when they play their games. When you are in front of a go board with Touya and he is really paying attention, you become his world. It is like everything else fades to and you are _everything_ to him. Hikaru was the recipient of that look long before he deserved it and then watched Sai proceed to crush Touya, to make him actually _cry over a board game_ and he couldn’t understand the significance of it. He didn’t love go back then, didn’t want it, but for the first time in his life he actually wanted _something._

And now he doesn’t try to explain this exact progression to Waya, because maybe it _is_ a little weird, but what does it matter anyway? He loves go _now,_ he understands how good Touya is _now,_ so who _cares_ if the road here was a bit unusual _?_ Or it didn’t use to matter until Ko Yeong-ha came along and made him actually _think_ about it. The asshole.

Because Hikaru has a problem now. A big problem. Until now he was just acting on instinct. Just keep Touya away from Ko. That was a good plan. A _great_ plan. And when he saw Touya sitting around in that room _wearing Ko’s big, terrible shirt,_ Hikaru thought he actually was dying for a moment. His head literally whited out. He had never wanted to kill anyone in his whole life like he wanted to kill Ko right there and then. But then Touya of course had to start with all the _what’s it to you Shindou_ because Touya has some weird urge to understand everything in the whole world, which is totally irrational and completely impossible. And then Ko, _the monumental jerkface,_ was all ‘Oh hohoho, do explain Shindou’ or whatever and then Hikaru made the biggest mistake of his life. He actually stopped to think about it. Just for a few seconds. _Why do I care so much?_

_Oh._

And it _’s horrible._ And now he has to do damage control before Touya figures out that rivalry apparently also encompasses _I want you naked and also to kill anyone who touches you_ because honestly even Hikaru understands that that might not be the most rational approach from his side. Not that that realization is in any way _helping._

The problem with keeping Touya from understanding that is that Touya never lets up on things. It has to do with that annoying need he has to know and understand stuff. Touya has let up on exactly one thing in his life that he cares about, and that is learning the truth about Sai. Hikaru still catches Touya watching him sometimes, with that clear question in his eyes, but there is an understanding between them and Touya would never ask.

To even out this concession Touya wants to know and understand _everything_ else, which means he will never, ever let this go if Hikaru doesn’t find a clever way to distract him. Hikaru is really not feeling very clever at the moment.

Touya is standing right in front of Ko’s door, not even budging and insisting to _know_ no matter how much Hikaru insists that this was totally for Touya’s own good (which is not totally untrue, right? Ko Yeong-ha is clearly evil. Hikaru would absolutely be upset on Touya’s behalf even if all these feelings hadn’t popped up ) and then he gets all offended when Hikaru tells him that he actually is not allowed to go off with some asshole. Which is so unfair, because this rivalry thing has to give a person certain rights to put down standards, right? They are committed! Hikaru has certainly never pranced around without a shirt around terrible Korean go players. And yeah, maybe he shouldn’t have said _allowed_ but the way Touya phrased that question made Hikaru realize that Touya might want do just that, with someone else, some day and just the thought of that constricts his chest so hard that he hardly can breathe.

And then Touya has to go and make a quip about shirtlessness and rivalry. And Hikaru freezes. He should have just waved it off, changed the subject, _anything,_ but now he is totally caught, frozen panic, staring wide-eyed at Touya and there is no way that Touya is not going to add two and two together if Hikaru just stands here like a silent idiot. _Say something,_ he mentally yells at himself, but nothing comes out.

Touya stares at him. The hall is very quiet.

Touya’s eyes shift. They go from angry back to intense in a blink of an eye.

“Wait,” he says. “It includes shirtlessness?!”

_Shitshitshitshit_

Ok, there has to be _some_ way to fix this?! _Some_ way to convince Touya that Hikaru’s thoughts are totally pure, though they really aren’t. He needs to convince Touya that Touya is the one with a dirty mind and that Hikaru really is just innocently concerned about the state of their rivalry. And he desperately tries to do this despite the fact that Touya still has that _look_ in his eyes, dark and intense.

“Shindou,” Touya says. ”Shut up.”

And Hikaru is about to get outraged, because that is actually not a bad way to escape the situation when he suddenly feels himself slammed hard against the door behind him and yelps, because he didn’t expect that at all. He can feel Touya’s hand on his jaw, tilting it and then Hikaru’s head dies for a moment because _Touya is kissing him._ He can feel Touya’s lips against his and Touya’s tongue in his mouth, the press of Touya’s whole body against him all heat and hardness and force together with that hand still on his jaw, holding it in place. It is a surreal experience. Everything around him seems to be fading and his pulse is pounding in his ears. He can feel the slide of Touya’s tongue against his own deep in his mouth, can feel the taste of the kiss and the calluses on Touya’s fingers against his skin. His brain doesn’t seem able to reboot and react properly.

A long time ago when Hikaru played Touya as a third board, still childishly incapable of understanding Touya’s actual strength, Hikaru ignored Sai and put down a stone, desperate to know how he and Touya measured against each other. Then he spent the rest of the match seeing every single defense he had totally demolished. He can still remember the feeling of being utterly overwhelmed, like he was faced with a tidal wave crushing down on him, impossible to avoid. While this situation is very different, for a brief moment he has that same feeling. Like Touya is an unstoppable force of pure intensity destroying every defense he has. But then his head kicks in to gear because it has been a long time since Touya could overwhelm him on any go board and this is possibly the last thing on earth he wants to _defend_ against.

So he kisses back, desperately, and suddenly he has both hands in Touya’s hair, trying to get him closer. He can feel the silk of it tickle over his hands and it is one of the sexiest things he has ever felt. He still can’t get enough air into his lungs but who the hell needs air when you can have _Touya_. Have all that focused intensity telegraphed through his body still pressed up against Hikaru with surprising strength (it occurs to Hikaru that maybe all those times he watched Touya’s arms it wasn’t _just_ to wonder where the hell a go player would get that upper body). He bites Touya’s lip and can feel his breath _hitching_ in response and if there is some place in his head that tells him that this isn’t the best location to be doing this, it is deeply buried.

He has just gotten started with getting his hand in under Touya’s shirt, when the door bangs against his back and Ko Yeong-ha feels the need to remind the world of what an utter pest he is, making some inane comment about romance and journalists. Hikaru really doesn’t have the capacity to listen right now. He tries to feel outraged at Ko, but Touya is still looking at him with the same intensity and it makes Hikaru’s legs wobbly.

“Oh, go die” he says, but it doesn’t come out very convincing. His head is buzzing.

Ko being Ko naturally can’t shut up. To be honest, Hikaru didn’t expect anything else and he is too busy being distracted by Touya’s body heat to really listen. It isn’t like Ko is saying anything worthwhile anyway. Touya listens though, and then he tells Ko to go and suck it. Well, the Touya version of go and suck it. And he uses that arctic ‘I am way above you’ tone of voice he has for things that honestly make him angry, but for once he doesn’t sound perfectly composed. He sounds _breathless_ like he can’t quite keep his voice steady. If Hikaru was just a tad weaker he would have swooned, because that is probably the hottest thing he has ever heard.

“Fuck,” he tells Touya. “You are just so _hot!”_

He can see Touya’s pupils expand at that, only leaving a dark ring of blue at their edges, can feel Touya’s grip on him tightening and for a moment Hikaru is about to give up on every single idea of decency and just … Then he remembers Ko’s existence again and realizes that if nothing else he needs to get Touya and his breathy voice away from _him._ There are things in the world no one but Hikaru, and _especially_ not Ko, has any right to hear. He grabs Touya’s arm, prepared to drag him off, when he suddenly remembers that Yashiro is in the room too.

Well, that is awkward.

“Uh,” he says a bit hesitantly “Yashiro… Right. We’re leaving.”

This will probably lead to a very embarrassing conversation tomorrow, but Hikaru really has no time to think about that right now.

Yashiro’s reply sounds a bit pained, but that is hopefully because he has been left in a room with Ko for too long. If so Hikaru sympathizes. Being around Ko awakes feelings of pain in him too. Touya’s voice has regained some steadiness when he wishes Yashiro goodnight, but he still has that look in his eyes, that single-minded focus he gets when he is challenged, and Hikaru shivers under it in pleasure. It is almost painful when Touya steps away and deprives Hikaru of his body heat. His heart is pounding as they walk down the hall together and his mouth is dry, because there is no one in the world who can make him want things like Touya can, in this all-encompassing way that drowns everything else out.

Things sort of blank out for him: One minute they are in the hall, the next they are in a room (which has to be Touya’s, there is no stuff on the floor) and Hikaru would probably have been hit with the worst case of nerves ever if Touya hadn’t been on him the minute the door closes behind them, which leaves no room for anything other than that desperate, red hot desire in his head that eclipses the rest of the world.

Because there is no open hallway here, nor is there a Ko Yeong-ha that can destroy the atmosphere with his insufferable personality. There is only Touya, and right now Hikaru _can_ actuallyget his hand under Touya’s shirt and touch all that smooth, hot skin without any disruptions. Touya clearly has the same idea, and he tugs Hikaru’s shirt over his head and then pulls, so they both stumble. Stumble on the bed apparently. He is in the same bed as _Touya_ and Hikaru’s head does that dying thing again. There will never be enough oxygen in the universe to help him breathe through this. Meanwhile, Touya is pressing him down, dragging his hands all over Hikaru’s upper body; those slim, graceful hands that he is so used to watching pick up stones are touching him everywhere, burning his skin.

Touya is still wearing his shirt though, which has to be some sort of crime against humanity, and Hikaru is desperately struggling with the little buttons until he freezes in the realization that _this is Ko Yeong-ha’s shirt._ Then he rips the shirt open with both hands. Buttons fly everywhere in an extremely satisfying manner. He purposely tears it up some more as he tugs it off and viciously throws it on the floor. Screw Ko. Then he can’t think anymore, because Touya is on top of him with no shirt, no fabric to get between their upper bodies, just skin against skin, and Hikaru suddenly has the urge to push him away just to look at him.

He has never really seen Touya dressed in anything lighter than a short sleeved shirt and he wants to drown in the sight of those vast expands of naked skin… It suddenly occurs to him that maybe this is why he has been trying to kidnap Touya away for an onsen trip for ages. Not because it seemed nice, but because it was the easiest access to Touya without clothes. He doesn’t know what is worse, to realize that he has been so super gay for years or that he has subconsciously been a ginormous creeper.

But before he can actually press Touya away just to stare hungrily at him, Touya bends down to kiss him again. He doesn’t stop at Hikaru’s mouth, but moves down, biting his neck and his jawline and kissing down his chest. He can feel wet heat of Touya’s mouth against his overheated skin and then the slide of all that beautiful silky hair covering him and dragging over his body. Hikaru is honest to god shaking. His heart is beating so fast that it actually hurt his chest. He is pretty sure he is going to embarrass himself and come within the nearest minute without Touya even laying a hand on the relevant area and then Touya will laugh at him and never want to have sex with him again because Hikaru is such a loser.

Then he can feel Touya’s hot breath on his stomach and Hikaru almost cries out, because ‘the nearest minute’ has just turned into seconds. He urgently pulls Touya up for a kiss at the same time as he desperately tries to think the least sexy thoughts possible. There is a lot of Kuwabara in them. Luckily, it works, but only just. He is still so very close and his pants are so tight it is painful.

Obviously the solution to this is to make Touya come first so he _can’t_ think Hikaru is a loser. Plus to reach this goal he will have to shamelessly touch Touya, so Hikaru sees no drawbacks in this plan. He swallows, tells himself to stop being a coward and goes to work on Touya’s pants. He feels Touya’s breath shudder at that, and feels a moment of triumph, because Touya has had far too much initiative in this encounter already. Of course it can’t last, because this is _Touya_ and Hikaru suspects they have this thing about one-upping each other, so a moment later Touya’s hands are on the buttoning of Hikaru’s pants and for a while they get into an impromptu struggle of who can get the other person’s pants off first. Which, as it turns out, is pretty hard to do in either of their positions, and they manage to get hopelessly tangled in their clothes. It occurs to Hikaru that they are pretty bad at this.

“Oh for the love of…” Touya’s sounds exasperated but his voice holds that breathless note that makes Hikaru’s stomach burn. Never the less, he still feels the need to defend himself from the underlying criticism he is perceiving. _He_ is certainly not the only one who is messing this up.

“You started it,” probably a bit sulkily.

“What do you mean _I-”_

For a terrible second this is gearing up to be a fight instead of pants removal, but then they actually look at each other and in a miraculous second of silent understanding he and Touya actually agree that some things are more important than fighting.

“I’ll just take my own pants off,” Hikaru says quickly, because the idea that they would stop here is just too horrible to contemplate. Touya nods a bit jerkily and then Hikaru gets up and takes his pants off, and with some hesitation, his underwear, because there really is no reason to beat around the bush, is there. If he hasn’t in some way read this whole situation wrong, and Touya is going to get horrified that he stands around naked.

He looks up, a bit terrified, ready to feebly defend this choice, and stares right at Touya, who is as naked as he is. It almost feels like someone hit him, but in an infinitely more pleasurable way. His face is burning, his chest is aching and for a minute he is actually wondering if he is going catch on fire. Because now he does have a chance to look at all that smooth skin, and at Touya’s chest, and his… And Hikaru realizes that though he is a grown man, has a steady job, and actually is not entirely inexperienced in these matters, even if he has never been that interested in them before, he has trouble even lettig his eyes go lower than Touya’s stomach. Because this is Touya, and suddenly it hits him just what they are doing. He meets Touya’s eye and they are equally wide. For a moment they are just standing and looking at each other frozen and then suddenly Touya’s eyes narrow and Hikaru feels himself being shoved on to the bed for the second time today. Right, this is how Touya handles things that scare him, he loses his bearings for a minute and then he bodily throws himself at them with everything he’s got. Hikaru feels like thanking some sort of higher power that _he_ is the one that Touya generally throws himself at

Then he actually has to give up thinking for a moment, because Touya is on top of him again _naked_ , they are _both_ naked, there is not even a thread of fabric anywhere that is actually restricting their skin contact. All of Touya’s hard, angular and surprisingly strong body is pressed up against him, chest, arms, and legs and Touya’s dick hard and hot, pressing against his. Hikaru gives up. There is nothing in the world he can think about to make this less hot. He desperately pulls Touya down for a kiss again with one hand, trying to touch as much of that long silky hair as possible, arching up against the body on top of him. Touya has one hand in Hikaru’s hair and the other pressing down on Hikaru’s wrist, pinning it to the bed. Even if it is something Hikaru could easily get out of, it makes him feels a bit held into place. And wow, he is going to have to have a real discussion with himself about proper reactions to your rival pushing you around, but right now he can only admit that the feeling of being mildly restrained makes the whole situation infinitely hotter. Then Touya grinds down against him, and Hikaru’s brain shorts-circuits. He cannot possibly think about anything at all other than how good it feels and can only buckle up helplessly trying to get as much friction as possible. He is probably going to die here, before he even hits twenty, and it will be the best possible way to die, with the weight of Touya hot and hard against him.

Then, after an embarrassingly short amount of time, he can feel his whole body tense and he is coming harder than he have ever come in his entire life. He honestly thinks he is going to pass out and the world turns white in front of his eyes.

The first lucid thought he has when his body stops shivering is ‘ _Oh no_ ’, because talk about being a total loser. There is some justice in the world, though, because basically at the same time Touya is tensing against him. Hikaru lets out a breath he didn’t even know he was holding, because it is okay if they _both_ are losers. Touya grinds down a few more times, and Hikaru can feel hot liquid spray against his stomach. He yelps, because he is fairly oversensitive at the moment and the friction is too much, but then they both sort of collapse. Hikaru is sweaty and sticky and Touya is a solid weight on top of him, but his motivation to move is at an absolute minimum. He stays still, feeling like the tension he didn’t even know was there has been totally expelled from his body after years of buildup. A whole lot of emotions and events in his life suddenly make sense now, including that conversation with Waya that included a lot of awkward shoulder pats and weird metaphors, which ended with ‘But never, ever tell me about it. _Ever.’_

If Hikaru is going to be totally honest with himself, and he generally is when he is forced to examine something, he has probably been really, really scared, but it still bothers him immensely to feel like he’s the last one to catch up.

If he actually is.

“Did you know about this?” he asks Touya, not without some accusation in his voice, because this stuff is really, really vital to communicate in any rivalry, if you happen to actually be privy to the information. He sort of regrets asking almost immediately, because Touya spent the last few minutes with his nose placed firmly in Hikaru’s neck, and now he raises his head, putting an end to that sensation.

“Know what,” he asks bleary.

“You know… _This_!” Hikaru tries to make a hand gesture that encompasses their current position, but it is a bit difficult with Touya in the way.

Touya seems to get what he means anyway.

“No,” he sounds chagrined. Touya does not like to be the last one to catch up either. “I mean, I thought… I don’t know what I thought. I knew there was something, but I never realized…”

He trails into silence.

“Hah,” Hikaru says feeling vindicated in his oblivion. What does the rest of the world matter anyway?

“But you knew there was something?” And maybe that is pushing it a bit, but for some reason he finds it enjoyable that Touya went around and tried to make sense of their relationship.

Touya just looks at him with one of those _looks_. It is pretty amazing just how much Touya can communicate with a single look. This is the _of-course-I-knew-there-was-something-the-whole-world-knew-that-and-why-the-hell-didn’t-you,-you’re-the-one-who-is-supposed-to-know-this-stuff-anyway-you-jerk_ look and Hikaru feels pretty affronted. Because that is a very recognizable look. Sometimes Hikaru gets the feeling that the reason half of the world sometimes often in to apoplexy over Touya is not because he is too distant or cold or confident, but because they don’t really understand what he is trying to say. Sometimes Touya says something, or gives someone a look, and for Hikaru it is crystal clear what he is trying to say, but the rest of the world seems to listen to the actual words that are coming out of Touya’s mouth, which is just stupid. Now he responds to the unvoiced accusation, as certain of the fact that it’s what Touya is saying as Touya is that Hikaru will understand it.

“Well, I don’t sit around and think about it, okay.” Which he probably should in hindsight, because that would probably have meant naked Touya sooner and all those years lacking in nakedness is a horrific waste of time.

“You never think about anything,” Touya says a tad snippily, which is harsh and unfair and totally shouldn’t be a part of cuddling. Hikaru rams an elbow in his side just to make a point and Touya yelps offended. For a while they move from cuddling to something embarrassingly close to a slap fight, which is probably not the appropriate level of affectionate after what they just did, but there is something deep inside Hikaru that knows that he is the only person in the world that can get this kind of reaction out of Touya and he relishes it. After a while they settle and Hikaru pokes him again because he isn’t quite finished with the conversation.

“So what did you think it was? The ‘something’?”

Touya sighs and hesitates.

“I don’t know,” he sounds a bit frustrated again. “I couldn’t make sense of it after a while. Why I you always made me so... And then Ogata-san said…”

Touya has apparently picked up a very annoying habit of not finishing his sentences, but Hikaru zooms into Ogata’s name like a beacon. And maybe he does have a jealously problem he needs to work on but the last thing he wants Touya to talk about when considering the realization of his own gayness is Ogata’s name.

“But it was me, right? That you were thinking about?”

He manages to keep out ‘NOT OGATA’ out of the sentence, but just barely. For the first time in his life Hikaru realizes that he is probably not very cool.

Touya actually laughs out loud at the question.

“About you?” he says. “Of course it was about you. I can’t even _remember_ the last time everything I did wasn’t about you.”

Which sounds very stalkery, but that is the basis of their relationship anyway and Hikaru understands the sentiment behind it. For a couple of seconds he is so happy he can barely breathe.

“Yeah,” he says, “me too… or whatever.”

Totally not cool.

But Touya smiles at him, which is probably the best thing in the world, and then puts his nose back against Hikaru’s neck. The universe is probably as good as it is ever going to be right now. Hikaru allows the lethargy to take over, just laying still and enjoying Touya’s body against his. But despite the tiredness he can feel something stirring deep within him as his body is slowly starting to pay attention to the general nakedness in the room again. He suddenly realizes that this is almost certainly not a onetime thing. That Touya and naked will be a part of his general vocabulary from now on. If Ko wasn’t the most loathsome person on the planet Hikaru would thank him.

His life looks like it will work out awesomely from now on.

 


End file.
